i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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