In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
