I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
