if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You are the jesus of drinking
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
