No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You ate ashes out of my bong
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
