your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
