I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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