Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
