Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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