Whod you bang
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
