he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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