I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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