I got chris browned last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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