Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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