We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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