I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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