I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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