Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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