He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
