Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
