her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
