just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
