please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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