Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
