I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
