Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
