Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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