i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
