I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
