Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
