im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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