I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
