swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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