i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
