Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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