THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
