So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
