yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
