I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
