what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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