forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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