sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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