What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
