you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
