Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
