you guys were way drunker than both of me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
