when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
