That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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