U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
