It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
