What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
