somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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