i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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