Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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